Whine and Dine: Krystal

As the morning dawned, I groaned. Groaned for myself. Groaned for the crumpling reality we know as life. But more importantly, groaned because my stomach was telling me that if there wasn’t any food inside it now, I would probably wouldn’t like the next two hours. So I decided to say f*ck it and headed over to my car, all the while trying to talk to passersby to make sure they knew I was human and not some kind of weird alien with similar looking skin. Although there have been times where I’ve asked that myself.


So in the car I go. It’s a modern looking car: Lexus Hybrid. Not too shabby, except that the dust has been building around it for so long, that someone can create high art with their finger. I turn on the car and drove over to Abercorn. Partially because I want to change the scenery from old cobblestone roads, mainly because I was running out of money. Whatever the case, I was looking for something fast and cheap. Before I know it, I see a familiar sign: Krystal.


Now I’m not sure you guys know, but there’s barely any Krystal down in Miami. Heck, other than Wilton Manors, you won’t find a single Krystal in South Florida. So I decided to take my chances and roll with it.


It made me nostalgic for a time when I didn’t have to worry about grades. Or question my existence and worth. That too. So I pull into the drive-thru, expecting hell and brimstone from attendants while I stutter which order I wanted, like “Triple-Cheese-Bacon Deluxe Combo” was something I had never heard of. Remember, I’m still human.


To my surprise, they were nice. There was a warmth that oozed out of the speakers, warmer than my soul. However, not as warm as Savannah’s summer. Take that as you will.


So, I’m happy, or at least what I think is happy, for the first time in a long time. As I grab the food and drink, I smile at the drive-thru attendant and open the bag.


Well, I give props to them. If they were to switch mediums from fast food to film, they would get standing ovations. After all, they’ve captured the raw brutality of expectations and the real world, all in one meal.


To say that McDonald’s burgers were juicer in comparison is an understatement. It was like grabbing the emptiness of my soul and shoving it inside a 2×2 square sandwich. The fries, though solid, have a layer of grease to them as if they were at Sea World. With Tilikum.


I would say that this would be a combo breaker and could’ve possibly given me hope towards the future. With extra fries and an extra drink, it seems like you’re getting a deal. Oh wait, never mind. That stuff’s $17.00. With money like that, you’re better off paying for an obscene amount of Taco Bell and eating your feelings like a normal college student.


Written by Patrick Guilford

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