Category: Horoscope
-
The Horococoscope
Forget about reasons, I’m here for the aesthetics. This week’s horoscopes; only art. Aries (March 21 – April 19) I’m your Venus (of Willendorf), I’m your fire (of Willendorf), and your desire. (of Willendorf) Taurus (April 20 – May 20) You should give me your number. I’ll be Frida Kahl-ah you later. Gemini…
-
Your Weekly Horoscope
Why abandon your life of luxury to escape into the wilderness when you run to your computer and read this week’s horoscope? Aries (March 21 – April 19) Be original. Get a nose piercing on your navel. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Cute heels, a short skirt, and a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong…neck. Gemini (May…
-
Won’t You Read Your Weekly Valentine?
Romance is in the air just as much as lead is in the water. Here are your pre-Valentine’s Day horoscopes. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Love Songs? Boring! Ballads? Tame! Want to really get your valentine’s attention? Screech. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) So your last Valentine’s Day wasn’t so great. You wake…
-
Your Weekly Horoscope
How many blondes does it take to check a horoscope? Aries (March 21 – April 19) -Pation. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) You may or may not die within 3 days. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) You’re a diamond in the rough, or at least cubic zirconium. Cancer (June 21 –…
-
Your Weekly Horoscope
How the dice trembles: luck be your mistress in this week’s horoscope Aries (March 21 – April 19) I see you shiver with antici- Taurus (April 20 – May 20) When life doesn’t give you a door, make a window. Or a large gaping hole in some wall that could pass as a window. …
-
Your Weekly Horoscope
Aries (March 21 – April 19) Show the world your true colors: Give everyone you know a crayon of your favorite color. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Keep your laces out. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) See the definition of “referendum”. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) I believe it…
