{"id":3632,"date":"2018-02-11T11:00:12","date_gmt":"2018-02-11T11:00:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/scadradio.org\/?p=3632"},"modified":"2018-04-19T18:43:33","modified_gmt":"2018-04-19T18:43:33","slug":"wont-read-valentine","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/scadradio.org\/2018\/02\/11\/wont-read-valentine\/","title":{"rendered":"Won’t You Read Your Weekly Valentine?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Romance is in the air just as much as lead is in the water. Here are your pre-Valentine’s Day horoscopes.<\/p>\n
Love Songs? Boring!<\/p>\n
Ballads? Tame!<\/p>\n
Want to really get your valentine’s attention? Screech.<\/p>\n
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So your last Valentine’s Day wasn’t so great. You wake up, get ready for a good day, and what do you get? A white Sudan\u00a0barreling at you at 60 mph in a 30, sending you into a prolonged coma. Well, this year, you wake up only to find a dozen red roses sitting at your bedside table with no note…where did they come from?<\/p>\n
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Love Stinks. LOVE STINKS!<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n If your valentine asks you to drive to the convenience store at 2 am for mint chocolate chip ice cream this year…it’s true love.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n When will the world learn? All you want for Valentine’s Day is some gosh-darn peace and quiet.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n You can’t pass off your Star Trek\/Harry Potter crossover fanfiction as a love poem three years in a row.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n I’m sorry sir, I’m going to have to confiscate that heart-shaped box, I don’t care what appendage is inside of it.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n This year, you’ll find the Left-Twix to your Right-Twix.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n I saw you only steal one fry off of your\u00a0valentine’s\u00a0plate. Who says romance is dead?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Love is like feeding apple juice to an apple tree. Cannibalistic.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Roses are red.<\/p>\n Violets are red.<\/p>\n Everything is red.<\/p>\n Communism.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Romance is in the air just as much as lead is in the water. Here are your pre-Valentine’s Day horoscopes. Aries\u00a0\u00a0(March 21 \u2013 April 19) Love Songs? Boring! Ballads? Tame! Want to really get your valentine’s attention? Screech. Taurus\u00a0(April 20 \u2013 May 20) So your last Valentine’s Day wasn’t so great. You wake […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":39,"featured_media":3638,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[530,335,336],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nCancer\u00a0(June 21 \u2013 July 22)<\/h4>\n
Leo (July 23 \u2013 August 22)<\/h4>\n
Virgo (August 23 \u2013 September 22)<\/h4>\n
Libra (September 23 \u00a0\u2013 October 22)<\/h4>\n
Scorpio (October 23 \u2013 November 21)<\/h4>\n
Sagittarius (November 22 \u2013 December 21)<\/h4>\n
Capricorn (December 22 \u2013 January 19)<\/h4>\n
Aquarius (January 20 \u2013 February 18)<\/h4>\n
Pisces (February 19 \u2013 March 20)<\/h4>\n