Your Weekly Horoscope

Here’s your weekly horoscope for the week of April 30–May 6.  We’re trying this again.  Hopefully we’ll get it right soon.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Actions speak louder than words, so please stop karate kicking people.

 

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Don’t trust the computers. They’re out to get you.

 

 

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Sparkle and shine, you’re beautiful just like your birthday gem…in…i?

 

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

You might be tempted to take a walk and look at the beauty of nature, but don’t. Nature’s feeling self-conscious today.

 

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

That wasn’t a dream. You should probably go apologize.

 

 

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Everyone else is reaching their dreams. Take a break this week.

 

 

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Set an alarm. Things are coming.

 

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Sit. Stay. Behave.

 

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Welcome back!

 

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Open your third eye, but keep out of peepholes.

 

 

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Follow your dreams. QUICK. They’re getting away.

 

 

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Don’t worry, you’ll find your true love by wrapping yourself in a blanket burrito.

  • Julie Higgins

    Michelle – The horoscopes are clever. This week’s is especially good!

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