How the dice trembles: luck be your mistress in this week’s horoscope
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
I see you shiver with antici-
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
When life doesn’t give you a door, make a window. Or a large gaping hole in some wall that could pass as a window.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Welcome each day like a fresh sting from a hornet’s nest.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
If you look close enough into your mirror…you’ll see the pixels.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
There will always be a Diet Coke with your name on it.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Maybe some of us don’t want to go to Dentist School.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Have I ever told you that you remind me of a hypochondriatic Billy Mays?
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
When I first met you, you were turning tricks and spinning Beyblades.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Your lisp comes out at the weirdest times. Especially when you say “tertiary”.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Maybe……………………………………………………..the dinosaurs left because we didn’t treat them right.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
When you’re good; you’re great. When you’re bad; you’re even better. No; this not considered flirting.