How the dice trembles: luck be your mistress in this week’s horoscope

Aries  (March 21 – April 19)

I see you shiver with antici-



Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

When life doesn’t give you a door, make a window. Or a large gaping hole in some wall that could pass as a window.



Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Welcome each day like a fresh sting from a hornet’s nest.



Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

If you look close enough into your mirror…you’ll see the pixels.



Leo (July 23 – August 22)

There will always be a Diet Coke with your name on it.



Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Maybe some of us don’t want to go to Dentist School.



Libra (September 23  – October 22)

The Game.



Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Have I ever told you that you remind me of a hypochondriatic Billy Mays?



Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

When I first met you, you were turning tricks and spinning Beyblades.



Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Your lisp comes out at the weirdest times. Especially when you say “tertiary”.



Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Maybe……………………………………………………..the dinosaurs left because we didn’t treat them right.



Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

When you’re good; you’re great. When you’re bad; you’re even better. No; this not considered flirting.