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Your Weekly Horoscope

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How many blondes does it take to check a horoscope?

Aries  (March 21 – April 19)

-Pation.

 

 

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You may or may not die within 3 days.

 

 

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

You’re a diamond in the rough, or at least cubic zirconium.

 

 

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Like, comment, and subscribe to your own youtube channel, it needs some love.

 

 

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Unfollow Cancer’s Youtube channel, the fame is CHANGING them, man.

 

 

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Remember Alex from Target? Check Twitter, you’re next.

 

 

Libra (September 23  – October 22)

Look up in the sky. That’s all. Just look up and tell us what you see.

 

 

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

What you once thought was beautiful will now repulse you.

 

 

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Why aren’t you winning in life? Maybe you’re on the wrong team.

 

 

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Don’t you miss the way that everything was nice and sweet and happy? Yeah, no, me neither man.

 

 

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

The cyber goths would be happy to take you in if nothing else.

 

 

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

“I’m so happy I have you as my best friend, and I love Lisa so much”