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The Horococoscope


Forget about reasons, I’m here for the aesthetics. This week’s horoscopes; only art.

Aries  (March 21 – April 19)

I’m your Venus (of Willendorf), I’m your fire (of Willendorf), and your desire.


(of Willendorf)

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You should give me your number. I’ll be Frida Kahl-ah you later.




Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

I want to go out to dinner. Too bad I’m Baroque.



Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

You got a body like the statue of David. Rock hard and too good for this world.



Leo (July 23 – August 22)

My ideal Saturday night? The center panel of Garden of Earthly Delights.




Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

As much as you want to be a romantic, at heart you’re a goth…ic.




Libra (September 23  – October 22)

If your crazy brain was thrown onto a canvas, it could pass for a Pollock.




Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Every dinner with you feels like The Last Supper.





Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Why do I get the feeling your parents looked like American Gothic when you told them you were going to art school?





Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

You know you’ve partied too hard when you look like a Cubist painting.



Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

*Shania Twain voice* That don’t Impression me much. 



Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Are you my Dada?