The answer is one that requires a significant sacrifice of dignity.

My roommate, we’ll call her Bee for identity protection (and bee pride). Some contents of our freezer had survived upon return as well as some non-perishables I purchased before we left town; this left us with an odd array of food to choose from. Like modern day Dr. Frankensteins, we must piece together a meal with the odds and ends of our kitchen.

Fortune had flown my way in the form of visiting parents: I was able to mooch off of free meals and leftovers over the weekend. My roommate, however, wasn’t so lucky.

In order to nurture the body of an anxious animation student, Bee had to get creative, which is something any art student is used to. Her canvas? Frozen waffles cooked in the oven. Her medium? Canned tuna and “nice and cheesy” generic sliced cheese. And the perfect side-order to this magnum opus? Froot Loops and milk in a tea mug.

Now I must admit: that this isn’t the first time I’ve seen Bee eat something that made me want to gag. When I told her I was going to throw away my 3/4ths rotten banana, she ate it instead. Upon dropping food on our gross carpet, she has no qualms on picking it back up and popping it in her mouth. When it comes to food, she is the equivalent of a goat: she has no standards.

So when I saw Bee prepare this monstrosity and eat it in front of me, it was of little surprise to me. This is just how Bee do, man. As long as it’s filling and has the tiniest hint of nutrition, she’ll eat it without complaint.

When consuming this dada-esque dish, she only had two things to say: “It’s not bad” and “I wish I had heated the waffles longer, ‘cause it’s kinda cold.”

Perhaps someday I will have the same courage and ingenuity as my roommate, but today is not that day. Bon appetite, kids!

The post WHINE AND DINE: ART KID VS WILD appeared first on SCAD Radio.

This is a problem that needs solving. How can one go trick or treating again as an adult without having the cops called?

Well let’s look at the facts: the big obstacle here is age, but we don’t yet have the technology to Benjamin Button ourselves back into 10-year-olds. So how do we get around this? What people fail to realize is that adults go trick-or-treating all the time— as parents.

This however brings up a brand new problem: most of us are NOT ready to have kids yet; some may never be ready. Unless you already plan on popping out a baby, adopting a child, or kidnapping one (please don’t) this is not the right option for you.

So how do we get around this? The answer: little siblings. Finally those obnoxious little attention hogs are good for something. Plus, you’ll definitely get brownie points from your parents if you offer to go around the neighborhood with little Billy so they can go get drunk at a Halloween party with their friends.

Don’t have a younger sibling? How about a little cousin or a neighbor’s kid? If you’re nice and know the parents well enough, you’ll look like a wonderful and thoughtful person in their eyes, rather than someone hoping to score free candy.

“But wait,” you may be thinking, “the parents don’t get their OWN candy when they take their kids trick-or-treating!” Here, my dear reader, is where the last step comes in. Luckily this will work whether or not you are able to obtain a stand-in child.

All you will need is a container for your candy, be it a pillowcase or a cute plastic pumpkin. You’ll knock on a door and when they open up, tell them you’re getting candy for your baby brother or sister, who was too sick to trick-or-treat tonight, and that your mother asked you to go around and collect candy for them.

You will immediately look like a saint doing a good deed for an ailing youngling. If they ask why you don’t go out and buy some candy instead, you can tell them that you can’t afford candy this year or that your car is

in the shop. Regardless, you’re going to get candy.

Now you can spend the night with a sugar-induced belly-ache and a sense of satisfaction instead of missing out on the fun! But please remember, take this advice at your own risk. If they know you have no younger sibling, you might spend the night in a jail cell.

The post HOW TO TRICK OR TREAT AS AN ADULT WITHOUT GETTING ARRESTED appeared first on SCAD Radio.