Your Weekly Horoscope

Good luck with finals; here’s this week’s horoscope to make you feel better.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

The ghost next to you has a crush on you.

 

 

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Remember that song? Good luck.

 

 

 

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

This week, the pizza will be sweet and tangy and you’ll enjoy it even more than the spicy pizza.

 

 

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Your past may come back to haunt you. Bring a crucifixion for protection.

 

 

 

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Shake the man’s hand.

 

 

 

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

GO TO CLASS  -not your mom.

 

 

 

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Don’t bother to shower today. After ten minutes of walking, it won’t matter anyway.

 

 

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

What does this all mean? This whole big world? Can we escape? Will you come with me? If you don’t, I’ll miss you.

 

 

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

You don’t need to put on makeup. You look good, no matter what.

 

 

 

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Are you wearing makeup? You look tired.

 

 

 

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Herp de derp

Herp de derp

Herp herp herp herp herp de derp

I’m not this awkward all the time

Only when love is on the line

Herp de derp de derp de derp de derp derp derpy

Herpy derp herp derp herpy

Herping like it’s going out of style

Imma go cry in a corner now

 

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

If you take a nap, beware. You may wake up in another dimension.

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