Your Weekly Horoscope

Happy pre-Thanksgiving weekend. Here’s the horoscope that’ll get you through next week.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

You may be home for the holidays, but are you home at all?

 

 

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Gobble up as much as you can. This may be your last chance.

 

 

 

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Your sleeping uncle has a lot more to say than the gossiping grandmas in the corner.

 

 

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Remind your significant other of the time you spent Easter with their family. It will soften the blow.

 

 

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

The stars say money is coming your way this week. It’s either money or maize. The stars are very unclear.

 

 

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

The harvest moon will come to you in your sleep. Heed its warnings of things to come.

 

 

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

If it snows Thanksgiving day, all will be well by next year. If it doesn’t, go about your life like you didn’t read this horoscope.

 

 

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Pass around the turkey first, then the mashed potatoes, then the green beans, then the biscuits. Do not mess up this order.

 

 

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

You make think wearing a cat sweater to dinner is fine, but the rest of your family will think otherwise.

 

 

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Try your hardest to make a Thanksgiving playlist. I know it’ll be hard, but it will come in handy when you least expect it.

 

 

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Pay close attention to those who say “I can’t wait to see you again next year”. They may be the only ones to survive.

 

 

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Your leaves are still green this time of year. This is a good sign, for now.

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