Category: Horoscope
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Your Weekly Horoscope
Good luck with finals; here’s this week’s horoscope to make you feel better. Aries (March 21 – April 19) The ghost next to you has a crush on you. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Remember that song? Good luck. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) This week, the pizza…
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Your Weekly Horror-scope
Here’s your horror-scope in honor of All Hallows’ Eve. May you avoid the draft for the Skeleton War. Aries (March 21 – April 19) You’re feeling uneasy for a reason, just ask the man behind you! Taurus (April 20 – May 20) The dark clouds are leading you to an even darker…
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Your Weekly Horoscope
Here’s your horoscope for the week of May 21 – May 27. We took the stars out on a date. Took them dancing, had a nice dinner. Got to know them better, you know? We hope this reflects that. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Try something adventurous with your hair this week. You won’t…
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Your Weekly Horoscope
Here’s your weekly horoscope for the week of May 14 (Happy Mother’s Day!) — May 20. The stars just wouldn’t shut up this week. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Wait for the glowing man to step out into the street. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Gasping for air isn’t the…
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Your Weekly Horoscope
Here’s your weekly horoscope for the week of April 30–May 6. We’re trying this again. Hopefully we’ll get it right soon. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Actions speak louder than words, so please stop karate kicking people. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Don’t trust the computers. They’re out to get you. …
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Your Weekly Horoscope
Here’s your horoscope for the week of Sunday May 23 – Saturday May 29. We can’t promise these will be accurate, but oh boy did we try. Aries (March 21 –April 19) Take a risk. Try some Yoplait. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) If someone offers you money, just nod nod, say “yes,” then…